Well, i hope you had a great christmas, and a happy new year. For me it was quite stressful and there was a lot of arguments and fighting which led to the whole festive period being quite a let down, and it got me thinking that if even if you don't think it family (including close friends) mean a great deal.
For me my friends mean more to me than they will ever know, and i know without there support i wouldn't be half the person i am today, but it was also down to my family aswell. Family can have an everlasting effect on someone be it positive or negative- if a child has an absence of a family or a bad childhood experience, whether they believe it or not it will stay with them for the rest of their life which is why having a close unit of friends/relatives is so important. I know that sometimes it isn't possible to have that relationship maybe you don't have close relatives, maybe you don't want to see them or maybe it just isn't possible for whatever reason. However if that is the case it is even more important that you have people around for support. Which gets me on to my point of people networks!
Basically a people network or whatever you want to call it, is a list or diagram of main people in your life that mean a lot to you and can suppport you. For me when i was going through a difficult stage and was asked to do this activity i was shocked at just how little people i put on at first. To begin with i added my mum, then my nan, friends and my councillor and that was it! Shocking really, because a people network can be as big as you want. When i began to think more there were tonnes of people i could add to my list but had never even considered talking to before. Ii went from feeling isolated to more confident and less alone.
If you've never done this before all you need to do is draw round your hand, or draw a flower, or it could be a tree, a spider or just a mind map if you want (really it can be anything). And than start listing the people closest to you, people you know you can always talk to like close friends, parents e.t.c then start to work your way out add on other relatives/different friends you would feel comfortable talking to then think about adding work colleages or teachers or helpers/carers or even me! This is a great way of sorting out the people you can talk to. Even if it's someone that you don't see very often but know you can call them and talk for hours. Trust me, it feels great to see the long list of people or the massive diagram or mind map of support in front of you.
And don't worry if you feel you can't talk to them because trust me they will listen, if a friend asked you if they could talk to you what would you do? laugh in their face? tell them their stupid? not listen? no course not, well i hope you said no :) you would listen to them. So don't feel embarassed or alone because your not.. and don't worry if it does go pair shaped you can always ask moi for help.
Hope you have fun drawing your networks, and remember that you are not alone their will always be someone their to help, so don't keep your feelings inside.. talk about it ! xxxx
Tuesday 17 January 2012
Wednesday 14 December 2011
Early warning signs and what they mean
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| Jelly legs when your nervous? |
You probably get it when your nervous; your legs start to feel like jelly,your stomach is in a tight knot, you can't breath or maybe you just feel uneasy. For me everything brings up those nervous feelings, i suffer from anxiety and for some unknown reason i start to panic uncontrolably about little things, i even do when leaving the house, going to appointments or just talking to people. However not all panic, nervousness and emotions are meaningless these sort of emotions are called are Early Warning Signs ( EWS ). Your EWS is like a traffic light system when their not there your green, when you start to sense them your going amber and when you end up scared, frightened, panicky or nervous it's your warning system setting off red alarm bells!
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| draw a gingerbread man to get to grips with your felings |
Now there's a great thing to these emotions there called EARLY warning signs, which means you have time to do something about them. But to harness the power of these amazing emotions you first have to recognise them. A great exersice to do is to draw a ginger bread man, to represent yourself, now write a list of all the scenarios you might find yourself nervous, panicky, frightened etc... Then on the ginger bread man draw the physical feelings associated with these emotions- by physical i mean do your feel sick? maybe you sweat more, Do the hairs on your neck stick up? Does your mouth go dry? These are the things you should be looking out for, and these are your early warning signs, and now for example if your walking along and you see a gang of people and you notice your palms are sweaty, it's your EWS telling you 'things are getting a little uncomfortable' . Noticing these emotions and feelings can be invaluable throughout life, helping everyone and anyone to recognise when they feel uncomfortable or scared.
But sometimes it can be 'fun to be afraid' things like rollercoasters and themepark rides,or sky diving, can be fun and so sometimes even if you do sense your early warning signs, it's good to just go and do it anyway, just make sure you havn't just eaten :) So next time your feeling sick, or your palms are sweaty or your mouths dry, ask yourself - Are these my early warning signs? Do i have a need to be uncomfortable? and am i in a situation in which it's 'fun to be afraid'?
Have fun drawing ginger bread men, or maybe use this as an excuse to make some :P Lots Of Love Kxxx
Monday 12 December 2011
2 things i found today, (hopefuly you'll enjoy, and feel better this christmas x)
Now i know this has been on the web for quite some time but i just came across it today and thought if you hadn't seen it, it was quite interesting to read. Basically this guy decided to calculate what the world would be like with exactly 100 people living in it (keeping the same ratios as the world is now)
And this is what it would be like...
57 Asians
21 Europeans
14 from the Western Hemisphere, both North and South
8 Africans
52 would be female
48 would be male
70 would be non-Christian
30 would be Christian
70 would be non-white
30 would be white
89 would be heterosexual
11 would be homosexual
6 people would possess 59% of the entire world's wealth and would be from the United States
80 would live in sub-standard housing
70 would be unable to read
50 would suffer from malnutrition
1 would be near death
1 would be near birth
1 (yes only 1) would have a college education
1 would own a computer
Now i'm not sure how accurate this is, but it got me thinking just how many people don't have substantial housing, don't have a decent education and don't even have enough food to survive and it got to me. I think it was probably because it's near christmas (in case you haven't heard christmas is coming up soon) and i know i have been asking for a lot and i'm sure you have too, and it was sad to think how many people wouldn't get what they wanted or even actually needed.
So i'm sure you heard the lecture about 'think about how lucky you are' so i'm not about to give it to you, all i'm sayin' is i know i am very thankful for what i have.
Well i didn't want to leave this post on a downer so i thought i'd tell you about this wonderful site i have fallen in love with because it is so cute, it's called random acts of kindness heres a link >>http://www.randomactsofkindness.org/ and basically it's all about doing little things just to be nice and help people out. So, if like me, you feel a little bad for getting to much this christmas you can give something back- and feel better in the process, how great!!! On the site it gives you a great list of things to do- my favourite being 'holding the door open for someone'- bit easy, so i might try something else like helping someone do the gardening or to be more seasonal clean the snow out of their driveway (when the snow decides to visit). Doing kind things isn't about being all 'hippy' it does make you feel good, so if you are feeling blue this winter a great way to make yourself better is helping someone else- it's a win/win really :) I Hope to see more people holding the doors open in future and maybe doing some more random acts of kindness. Lots of Love Kxxx
And this is what it would be like...
57 Asians
21 Europeans
14 from the Western Hemisphere, both North and South
8 Africans
52 would be female
48 would be male
70 would be non-Christian
30 would be Christian
70 would be non-white
30 would be white
89 would be heterosexual
11 would be homosexual
6 people would possess 59% of the entire world's wealth and would be from the United States
80 would live in sub-standard housing
70 would be unable to read
50 would suffer from malnutrition
1 would be near death
1 would be near birth
1 (yes only 1) would have a college education
1 would own a computer
Now i'm not sure how accurate this is, but it got me thinking just how many people don't have substantial housing, don't have a decent education and don't even have enough food to survive and it got to me. I think it was probably because it's near christmas (in case you haven't heard christmas is coming up soon) and i know i have been asking for a lot and i'm sure you have too, and it was sad to think how many people wouldn't get what they wanted or even actually needed.
So i'm sure you heard the lecture about 'think about how lucky you are' so i'm not about to give it to you, all i'm sayin' is i know i am very thankful for what i have.
Well i didn't want to leave this post on a downer so i thought i'd tell you about this wonderful site i have fallen in love with because it is so cute, it's called random acts of kindness heres a link >>http://www.randomactsofkindness.org/ and basically it's all about doing little things just to be nice and help people out. So, if like me, you feel a little bad for getting to much this christmas you can give something back- and feel better in the process, how great!!! On the site it gives you a great list of things to do- my favourite being 'holding the door open for someone'- bit easy, so i might try something else like helping someone do the gardening or to be more seasonal clean the snow out of their driveway (when the snow decides to visit). Doing kind things isn't about being all 'hippy' it does make you feel good, so if you are feeling blue this winter a great way to make yourself better is helping someone else- it's a win/win really :) I Hope to see more people holding the doors open in future and maybe doing some more random acts of kindness. Lots of Love Kxxx
Saturday 10 December 2011
My tried and tested tips to handle bullying
Bullying is something that can happen to anyone of any age. it can be physical or verbal and now thanks to social networking sites and mobile phones can happen anywhere at any time. Bullying can be the most traumatizing thing, and I know from experience that it can seriously damage your confidence. Many people are unaware how big an impact such things can have, but to some the emotional impacts can be huge. So here some techniques to help cope with bullies.
1. Arm yourself with positive affirmations- these are sentences you can say aloud or in your head to give you a boost when you need it. some good ones might be:
I am a good and worthwhile person
I have a lot to be proud of
I am strong
I am confident
(e.t.c.) Try making up your own but make sure they start with ' I ' and keep them in the present I am strong (even if at the time it isn't strictly true.) These positive affirmations can be said or thought whenever you feel a negative thought about yourself or when someone else makes a hurtful comment. For example: people make fun of my weight so when I look in the mirror I tell myself "I am gorgeous" - it might sound cheesy but stick with it because you soon find even if you didn't believe the affirmation to begin with that you do after a while.
2. Don't believe your worth less than the bully. Don't make yourself the victim in your head, if you put the bully on a pedestal your not helping yourself or your confidence. Bullies target people to make themselves feel better- if anything you should feel sorry for them, for feeling the need to do that. The fact that you can see them as just another human being makes you better than them. So don't make them out to be anything more then what they are. You might think they are prettier, tougher, stronger, taller or thinner than you but they're just human and probably just as insecure as you.
3. You must not believe what they say. At the end of the day, the only person that matters is you.
Remember this- When a bully points a finger at you (calling you a name) there is always three fingers pointing right back at them. Do it, right now. Point with your index finger. SEE! For everything they point out on other people they mask three insecurities of their own.
No ones opinion counts but yours, so if you think you look pretty today, you do. If you like the outfit you are wearing today, it's a nice outfit. And if you step outside thinking your the greatest person alive- then don't let anyone else stop you because you are!
And finally, just something to think about, I have been bullied pretty much all my life and I know so many others that have too, and you know what they say? The phrase they always use is "If I could turn back time" or "if I could go back" . But it is so true if only I could go back and tell myself how silly I am for caring what others thought I would save myself a lot of grief. But then I might not be the person I am today.
So when I hear someone shout "Fattty" or "who ate all the pies?" I don't run away and hide, I tell myself I am gorgeous, I remember we're all human and that they are no better than me, I don't believe a word they say and I say a silent thank you. Not just to the idiots who made me cry all those years ago and made me the stronger person I am today but also to the people who helped and supported me.
So try those three things next time you're feeling down or someone says something, and notice how good you feel afterwards. I hope this helps those who do get bullied, and believe me when I say there will be a time maybe not now, but there will be, when you can accept that no matter what bullies will always be there and you can't change them but we can change how we can react. And trust me, it is a much greater feeling when you can walk past a bully and smile and think "I don't really care!"
Lots of Love K xxx
1. Arm yourself with positive affirmations- these are sentences you can say aloud or in your head to give you a boost when you need it. some good ones might be:
I am a good and worthwhile person
I have a lot to be proud of
I am strong
I am confident
(e.t.c.) Try making up your own but make sure they start with ' I ' and keep them in the present I am strong (even if at the time it isn't strictly true.) These positive affirmations can be said or thought whenever you feel a negative thought about yourself or when someone else makes a hurtful comment. For example: people make fun of my weight so when I look in the mirror I tell myself "I am gorgeous" - it might sound cheesy but stick with it because you soon find even if you didn't believe the affirmation to begin with that you do after a while.
2. Don't believe your worth less than the bully. Don't make yourself the victim in your head, if you put the bully on a pedestal your not helping yourself or your confidence. Bullies target people to make themselves feel better- if anything you should feel sorry for them, for feeling the need to do that. The fact that you can see them as just another human being makes you better than them. So don't make them out to be anything more then what they are. You might think they are prettier, tougher, stronger, taller or thinner than you but they're just human and probably just as insecure as you.
3. You must not believe what they say. At the end of the day, the only person that matters is you.
Remember this- When a bully points a finger at you (calling you a name) there is always three fingers pointing right back at them. Do it, right now. Point with your index finger. SEE! For everything they point out on other people they mask three insecurities of their own.
No ones opinion counts but yours, so if you think you look pretty today, you do. If you like the outfit you are wearing today, it's a nice outfit. And if you step outside thinking your the greatest person alive- then don't let anyone else stop you because you are!
And finally, just something to think about, I have been bullied pretty much all my life and I know so many others that have too, and you know what they say? The phrase they always use is "If I could turn back time" or "if I could go back" . But it is so true if only I could go back and tell myself how silly I am for caring what others thought I would save myself a lot of grief. But then I might not be the person I am today.
So when I hear someone shout "Fattty" or "who ate all the pies?" I don't run away and hide, I tell myself I am gorgeous, I remember we're all human and that they are no better than me, I don't believe a word they say and I say a silent thank you. Not just to the idiots who made me cry all those years ago and made me the stronger person I am today but also to the people who helped and supported me.
So try those three things next time you're feeling down or someone says something, and notice how good you feel afterwards. I hope this helps those who do get bullied, and believe me when I say there will be a time maybe not now, but there will be, when you can accept that no matter what bullies will always be there and you can't change them but we can change how we can react. And trust me, it is a much greater feeling when you can walk past a bully and smile and think "I don't really care!"
Lots of Love K xxx
What is this all about?
Before, whenever asked what i wanted to do with my life i would always shrug and say "I'm not sure." it was my same answer to everything from what i wanted for dinner to what i was doing in the next 5 minutes. However, a few days ago it dawned on me that if i didn't change that answer i would never do anything useful.
Something that i wanted to do was help people- i thought that in some way it was what i wanted to but hadn't the slightest clue how. Then a few days ago i had an epiphany of sorts, i knew this is what i wanted to do, it wasn't 'maybe' or 'if this doesn't work out'- helping people is what i want to do.. but how. This is where Unorthodox Nation comes in. I want to create a community of people to help eachother through bad times. I myself have been through quite a lot and without the help of others wouldn't be half the person i am today, i owe a great deal of who i am to the amazing people that have helped me and now i want to do the same to others. I want others (maybe you) to be equiped with the same knowledge i am to help you lead better lives.The idea of creating this community means that we can all help. I want to help but i'm not an expert on everything however with more people on board we can create a network of solutions and support for people who need it. Maybe you just need advise, need support through a tough time or just someone to talk to, i am here to help and offer support, advise and guidence as much as i can.
This is a great way for people to get help- it can be completely anonimous and you can ask whatever- no subject matter is to big or to small to talk about and no feeling is unimportant. If you think your alone chances are your not ( there are 6,840,507,000 people on this earth) so don't think you have to go through something alone. There is nothing wrong with admitting you need help, and you don't even need to say who you are :) I feel really strongly about this and i really hope it catches on, as the world would be such a great place if we could just accept that it we really are an Unorthodox Nation.
So.... today if anyone asks what i want to do with my life without hesitation i will say," I want to make the world a better place by helping people no matter what age, with whatever problem they have." Lots of Love K xxx
Something that i wanted to do was help people- i thought that in some way it was what i wanted to but hadn't the slightest clue how. Then a few days ago i had an epiphany of sorts, i knew this is what i wanted to do, it wasn't 'maybe' or 'if this doesn't work out'- helping people is what i want to do.. but how. This is where Unorthodox Nation comes in. I want to create a community of people to help eachother through bad times. I myself have been through quite a lot and without the help of others wouldn't be half the person i am today, i owe a great deal of who i am to the amazing people that have helped me and now i want to do the same to others. I want others (maybe you) to be equiped with the same knowledge i am to help you lead better lives.The idea of creating this community means that we can all help. I want to help but i'm not an expert on everything however with more people on board we can create a network of solutions and support for people who need it. Maybe you just need advise, need support through a tough time or just someone to talk to, i am here to help and offer support, advise and guidence as much as i can.
This is a great way for people to get help- it can be completely anonimous and you can ask whatever- no subject matter is to big or to small to talk about and no feeling is unimportant. If you think your alone chances are your not ( there are 6,840,507,000 people on this earth) so don't think you have to go through something alone. There is nothing wrong with admitting you need help, and you don't even need to say who you are :) I feel really strongly about this and i really hope it catches on, as the world would be such a great place if we could just accept that it we really are an Unorthodox Nation.
So.... today if anyone asks what i want to do with my life without hesitation i will say," I want to make the world a better place by helping people no matter what age, with whatever problem they have." Lots of Love K xxx
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